Platonic intimacy is seeing your friend’s car in the grocery store parking lot and parking so close to him that he can’t open his door and has the crawl through the passenger’s side.
Platonic intimacy is hot gluing four copies of Resident Evil – Code: Veronica to the ceiling of his hallway closet and seeing how long it takes him to notice that there’s four copies of Resident Evil – Code: Veronica hot glued to the ceiling of his hallway closet.
Platonic intimacy is watching the graceful curve of his body as he stretches in bed, fixating on the strip of skin where his shirt’s pulled up juuuust enough that you can sneeze on his exposed stomach and then run away while he’s distracted and bewildered by how super gross and unnecessary that was.
Platonic intimacy is sending him an e-mail that says, “The Harbinger of Boy Sauce is Upon You,” instead of just, like, texting him and letting him know you’re on your way to help him do his shots.
Platonic intimacy is calling him in the middle of the night and waking him up because you heard a weird noise outside that you’re about to investigate, and you need moral support and also someone to call an ambulance if you end up having to knife fight a racoon.
No, it’s platonic. If it’s romantic, you gotta’ have a rose between your teeth and one titty out.
Meryl Streep in Mamma Mia really was living the best life- owned a hotel on a beautiful Greek island, singing sweet ABBA bops, had a history of dicking down so many hot dudes she wasn’t sure which handsome, tone-deaf, middle-aged man was her kid’s dad.
what a life.
I’ve had multiple people comment on my use of the phrase “dicking down” and I just honestly can’t believe so many of y’all didn’t know Meryl Streep is a top.
speedruns my trip to the grocery store by walking with 5 of the boys and only getting stalled at the unskippable cutscene checking out with the cashier
Because this is definitely something he would do! He would probably make it for Peter. Also, is that cheese?
i first thought it was butter fsr lmao ace would be on his knees begging peter to eat it, crying and all but peter keeps denying then gene comes in to save peter’s life by agreeing to eat it for him (because there’s no doubt in mind he wouldn’t) and luckily ace couldn’t hear them discussing the plan over his own sobbing ace then looks up and notices it gone, peter then shyly exclaiming “yeah it… actually was really good, i’m sorry ace” and ace is sO HAPPY he gets up to hug peter and peter hugs back, feeling bad for lying to his sweet spaceman but it was kind of worth it at least gene got his midnight snack bc it’s literally 2 in the morning
one of the most important things ive learned from upper level biology education so far is that dna isnt the god-like all-powerful beacon of similarity between all living beings on the face of the earth as high school science textbooks will lead u to believe but actually is, in fact, the molecular equivalent of a smoldering dumpster fire that’s in a constant state of chaos and cellular scandal like some highlights:
-the parts of dna that just casually detach on a physical level from the main strand, do some sick skateboard tricks in the cytoplasm, and land somewhere else with 43552342 copies
-the parts that would do A Thing if they wern’t physically spooled up so tightly that the Make Thing Happen machinery couldnt get to them
-the dna thats in ur mitochondria bc the mitochondria used to be a bacteria that our bigger, buffer cellular ancestors just vored in the primordial ooze
-the dna that’s in chloroplasts in plants for the same reason
-rna….bitches be crazy like what is she gonna do next?? o she gonna act like a protein now and do shit?? im on the edge of my seat
-sometimes u just gotta make more chromosomes man like sometimes u just be hanging out and u gotta make ur genome 64 sizes larger and then change ur mind only 100,000 years later and delete half of it and thats just how it is on this bitch of an earth
-random shit from like 5 BCE is just casually left over everywhere like no susan i told u to leave that gene alone we might need it to fight dinosaurs again u just never know!!!!!
dna is earth’s biggest and brightest train wreck and honestly i wouldnt trust a dna molecule to water my plants let alone run my body but here we fucking are
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