Tag: lmao

snarthurt:

i know the well of thanos jokes has run dry but this is such a fucking funny gif its probably the funniest punch ive ever seen. he just lays into him so hard and his ultra high tech suit does fuck all like its a bouncer just putting all his weight into hitting a drunk guy in the jaw i love this fucking gif so much i could write a dissertation about it

image

bisexualgambit:

Things I’ve learned from my reading so far:

-Abe Lincoln once suggested cow dung as a dueling weapon.

-James Madison is the only president to have honorary citizenship in another country. (it’s France)

-Ronald Reagan was the first president to ever be divorced.

-Dolley Madison is the longest serving First Lady or White House Hostess.

-The Kennedys met because Jackie was the camera girl interviewing JFK.

-Edith Wilson is known as “the presidentress” because of her role in making decision on behalf of her husband after he suffered a stoke.

-Grace Coolidge delivered a is the only first lady to give a speech at Gallaudet. (and yes, she did sign it)

-Lincoln was the first president to be born outside of the original 13 states.

-William Henry Harrison gave the longest Inaugural Speech, FDR gave the shortest. 

-Andrew Jackson was drunk when he was sworn in as Vice President.

-James Madison is the only president to ever lead troops from the battlefield.

-John Tyler had the nickname of “His Accidency”

-John Quincy Adams wore the same hat every day for 10 years.

-JFK was the first president to never wear a hat.

-Ulysses S Grant’s favorite horse was named Jeff Davis, to mock the president of the Confederacy. 

-James Madison once accused Benjamin Franklin of being a British spy.

-Robert Lincoln, Abraham Lincoln’s son, was present for three presidential assassinations.

Things that sound fake but actually happen in the first Tarzan novel (1912)

mademoiseli:

lesserjoke:

  • Tarzan grows up in the jungle because the sailors on his parents’ ship mutiny and maroon them there. Two decades later, the sailors on his cousin’s ship ALSO mutiny and maroon him and Jane in the exact same area where Tarzan happens to live
  • He’s raised by apes after his parents die because one of them who’s been carrying around her own dead baby is moved by the maternal spirit to drop its corpse in Tarzan’s crib and pick up the human baby instead
  • Tarzan teaches himself how to read and write fluent English by reading his parents’ old books
  • He later leaves Jane and co. really passive-aggressive notes telling them that he’s Tarzan and they better not touch his stuff
  • Tarzan also rescues them from various jungle troubles in person, but he can’t communicate with them because he can’t speak/understand spoken English
  • Jane and her friends spend their entire time in the jungle thinking that there are TWO DIFFERENT people who keep saving them: their reclusive host who leaves them salty messages and signs his name Tarzan of the Apes and then that other guy who lives with the apes
  • Literally they never put two and two together until Tarzan tracks them down in America and tells them he was Tarzan all along
  • Which he does in French
  • Because back in the jungle he rescued a French guy who taught him how to speak that language
  • So Tarzan can read and write English but speaks only French by the time he leaves the jungle
  • Jane goes back to America while Tarzan is off helping his French friend, and he follows her all the way home just to arrive the day before she’s gonna marry a rich guy to cover her father’s debts. It’s literally one of those Taylor Swift STOP THE WEDDING tropes, but with this weirdly buff ape man yelling in French instead
  • Jane’s father has debts because he borrowed a ton of money to charter a ship and follow a pirate treasure map he found, which, logical. We’ve all been there
  • The sailors on that ship are the ones who mutiny and maroon Jane earlier on, after finding the treasure and deciding they want to keep it for themselves
  • But Tarzan sees them rebury the chest and he digs it up and takes it with him to America to find Jane. The sailors are later very confused when they go back and find the treasure missing
  • Meanwhile Tarzan’s friend keeps trying to convince him that he’s the son of those two adult skeletons in his cabin, but Tarzan is all like, nah, I’m pretty sure that baby ape skeleton in the crib was theirs.
  • Oh also yeah, Tarzan totally just left all three skeletons lying around until his human friends showed up and were like, boy, you’re nasty
  • Also Tarzan needs a lot of convincing to believe that his ape foster mom wasn’t his birth mother
  • Like an absurd amount of convincing, really
  • His friend finally proves it by dragging Tarzan to a fingerprint expert in Europe to compare his prints to the baby ones that his dad fortuitously recorded in his journal just before he died.
  • The fingerprint proof means he’s actually the heir to his family’s title and wealth instead of his cousin, but he decides not to tell Jane about it
  • Because after Tarzan interrupts her wedding plans and gives her the pirate treasure (so that she doesn’t have to marry the rich guy), she turns down Tarzan’s own proposal and agrees to marry his cousin instead
  • And he’s like, alright, and leaves
  • Truly one of the great love stories of our time
  • I think she does change her mind and marry him in one of the sequels, but there are literally over two dozen of those that by all accounts are even weirder than this one and I just honestly don’t think I’m ready

Was Edgar Rice Burroughs ok?