lovepsychothefirst:

jennamourey:

A Full Face of Rhinestones

#listen I don’t watch Jenna Marbles#I’ve never subscribed to hr channel#but there’s one thing about her that I absolutely respect#she does NOT clickbait#she fucking COMMITS to whatever bull shit she says she’s gonna do#90% of her video titles LOOK like clickbait#but then the video is EXACTLY what the title says#how many balloons does it take to life my chihuahua off the ground#I DON’T KNOW JENNA WHY DON’T YOU FIND OUT#spends entire video reporting on increasingly annoyed Party City employees#as she ties over 100 helium balloons to a sling that her dog falls asleep in#while floating 4 feet above the ground#because she fucking found out how many balloons it took#‘MY DOG RATES SOAP’ says the video title#her Italian Greyhound has some kind of soap licking neurosis and shows clear preferences#by the end of the video her dog does indeed have a favorite brand of soap#I EAT DOG TREATS WITH MY DOGS#literally does exactly that and actually enjoys like 2 of them#I don’t follow her at all but DAMN does Jenna Marbles not fuck around#she just … does exactly what she says she will#like some kind of chaotic entity that combats clickbait by being exactly as absurd as the marketing implies

gaslightgallows:

lullabyknell:

I was just watching Star Trek: Beyond and my little sister is watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine S5, so now I can’t stop thinking about a Star Trek AU for B99. 

  • Captain Holt is obviously the captain. 
  • Terry is the XO. 
  • Of the U.S.S. Brooklyn, probably. 
  • Like in canon, Captain Holt becomes captain after the last captain retires. It’s basically exactly the same plots of B99, just in a Star Trek AU. The NYPD and all its characters are now Starfleet, including Madeline Wuntch and the Vulture and etc. Some characters are now aliens.
     
  • I don’t know much about this AU yet, because there are so many directions to go with crew positions, but I do know for certain that Raymond Holt and his husband Kevin are a Vulcan/Human couple. Which one is the Vulcan and which one is the human? I don’t know, because it can go beautifully either way. 
    • Captain Holt, of course, makes a perfect Vulcan. A black gay Vulcan with a previous gambling addiction. Everyone talks about him like he’s a loose cannon and wild card, especially other Vulcans. 
      • Vulcan 1: “I see he has become no less rebellious. He still acts more befitting a comedian than a captain.” 
      • Jake: “What.” 
    • When they hear that their captain has a human husband, everybody is like, “Oh, opposites attract, right? I bet his human husband is super friendly and shows lots of emotions.” And then they meet Kevin and they’re like, “Oh, you married a human who is practically a Vulcan, okay.” 
      • Holt: “What are you talking about? Kevin is frequently overemotional and very expressive.” 
      • Jake: “What.” 
    • On the OTHER HAND, if Kevin is the Vulcan and Holt is the human, it’s still good, because then you get to have all the Vulcans thinking that Holt is the funniest and most interesting man alive. (They still think he’s a wild card, but he gets away with it more for being human. He’s infamous for having “seduced” Kevin.) Everyone knows it’s nearly impossible to charm Vulcans, but every Vulcan who’s not a complete asshole absolutely LOVES the human Raymond Holt. Holt has mastered Vulcan humor. They think he’s a riot. 
      • Vulcan 2 (preventing the crew from getting in somewhere they need to go for a mission): “Your charm will not work this time, Captain Raymond Holt. I will not be persuaded no matter how charismatic you are.” 
      • Jake: “What.” 
  • Kevin is a scholar/professor who travels with the ship or meets it frequently because he and Holt are embarrassingly in love. (Not that you would be able to tell they’re married by human standards, but they’re incredibly, ridiculously affectionate by Vulcan standards.) 
  • There has to be at least one android. Preferably two because I love androids and why do we limit ourselves unnecessarily. I’m thinking the best potential androids are Charles, Rosa, Gina, and Amy. 
    • Charles. 
      • Robot with anxiety and a passion for food. (Whether Charles is an android or not, he is constantly grossing everyone out with the weird alien food he eats. He INSISTS that the replicators just aren’t the same as- Jake: “Just eat your space worms, Charles, and please stop talking about ‘mouth-feel’.”) 
      • Jake Peralta LOVES his robot best friend. Charles Boyle has ALWAYS wanted a human sidekick. 
      • The Boyle cousins are now a family of androids. 
    • Rosa 
        • Charles: “Emotions are the best!” 
        • Rosa: “Sure. How do I uninstall them?” 
      • Rosa is probably the Chief Security Officer. 
        • Someone (about to get their ass beat): “Isn’t it supposed to be written in your code to ‘do no harm to humans’?” 
        • Security Officer Rosa Diaz: “No.” 
    • Amy 
      • Robot with anxiety, obsessive compulsive tendencies, and an extreme sense of competitiveness. 
      • Loves her dumb, squishy human Jake Peralta, who apparently once had a childhood dream of marrying Robocop (and is still into really old movies like that and Die Hard). 
    • Gina
      • Gina (probably Communications Officer?) as an android is basically that one scene from Futurama. 
        • Gina: “Admit it. You all just think that robots were invented to make humans’ lives easier.” 
        • Terry: “Well… weren’t you?” 
        • Gina: “I’ve never made anyone’s life easier and you know it.” 
  • How to pick? All possibilities are good. Unfortunately, the number of androids probably has to be limited to make way for aliens. 
  • Jake is probably one of the ship’s helmsmen. Amy is both a science officer and one of the ship’s navigators. I’m not totally sure on what Charles does yet, but Charles as CMO would be hilarious (he is… like… the exact opposite of Bones, except he does have that bad divorce going on in the background), so that’s a definite possibility. 
  • I have no clue what Scully and Hitchcock do. Are they just… there? On the bridge? Or nearby? They probably shouldn’t be on the bridge, but they’re still recurring characters who somehow find a lot of trouble. 

B99 Star Trek AU. The possibilities are endless and perfect. 

Oh god I want it

cloama:

imperatorkhaleesi:

lilacbreastedroller:

BIG DISCLAIMER: i was 9 when 9/11 happened, so this might be more about my own crystalizing tastes than anything else. i think it’s a pretty darn good theory tho and other people have validated it.

BIGGER DISCLAIMER: i am not saying that country music prior to 9/11 was free from nationalist, racist, misogynist undertones – i just think that these themes became more the norm!

MY HOT TAKE:

with very few exceptions, including goodbye earl, before he cheats, and daddy Iessons (side note – all women!) 9/11 ruined country music. around 2014 onward we’ve got margo price, sturgill simpson, jason isbell etc., who are making country music great again (wink), but those folks are mostly considered “alternative” country. the mainstream country music for well over a decade now is a glut of trash performative patriotic / working-class-but-not-really lab-crafted budweiser-sponsored nonsense that has managed to sound rebellious (or has convinced its fans that it sounds rebellious) without ever actually questioning any power structure. so much so that artists who ACTUALLY criticized the government were literally blacklisted for nearly a decade (the dixie chicks)

pre-9/11 country music, though not perfect or ideologically pure by any stretch, did not have the raging american flag painted truck boner that comes to mind for a lot of people who say “i like everything except rap and country”

SPECIFICALLY, toby keith’s “courtesy of the red, white, and blue (the angry american)” (2002) literally destroyed country music. it was a direct answer to the 9/11 attacks and war song in support of the invasion of afghanistan. the lyrics read like a disjointed feverish email chain letter forwarded from your great uncle sprinkled with glittering american flag gifs and heavily saturated pictures of bald eagles. the entire song is lifted from an estimated 248 peeling bumper stickers collected from rusted trucks on cinder blocks in overgrown yards, cut up and arranged to fit a catchy, formulaic tune that is almost certainly the background music playing in george w. bush’s head at all times.

“we’ll put a boot in your ass, it’s the american way
and uncle sam put your name at the top of his list
and the statue of liberty started shakin’ her fist
and the eagle will fly, and it’s gonna be hell, when you hear mother freedom start a’ringin’ her bell”

country music and the new country musicians that toby keith paved the way for became so pro establishment and so unquestioningly nationalistic that, again, the dixie chicks who went against this grain were blacklisted by the industry and received death threats from country music fans. hell, there are folks who STILL froth at the mouth at the mere mention of the dixie chicks.

9/11 killed outlaw country – how can you sing the praises of law breakers when your main circuit consists of singing to troops? there are some great classic country songs critiquing the police state – especially from johnny cash and merle haggard – now country music artists hold fundraisers for FOPs. new country music is basically in-law country music.

you don’t have to write a pro-bush patriotic anthem to be part of this post-9/11 ruination. playing meaningless songs about living in the heart of (read: white) america, eschewing the city (read: not white), and cracking open a cold one with the boys for “authentic” country music is also important to the war effort.

there’s a progression of themes here:

post 9/11 top tier: war anthem, vocally patriotic, directly used as pro war propaganda;
which paved the way for: “things used to be so much better” thinly veiled racist laments, good for campaign ads;
which paved the way for meaningless party anthems – attempts to make things “like they used to be” and craft a reality that neither the artist nor listener likely ever experience.

that brings us to what most people think of today when they say they hate country music: the country party anthem – “tiny hot gal in tight jean shorts who can drink beer like the guys, she doesn’t like beyoncé Like Other Girls, oh she’s so into me and my truck, i’m gonna take her fishing after i finish sowing my corn – sung by a guy who’s never touched a tractor” – has overtaken the tragic, done me wrong, despairing country ballads of tammy wynette, george jones, and even up into pre-9/11 contemporaries like reba mcentire and george strait. you didn’t necessarily have to be country to relate to their pain. now you have to perform suburban redneckness to enjoy luke bryan.

when was the last time you heard a sad country song?

after 9/11, cowboys (whether or not they had ever been near a cow) weren’t allowed to be sad anymore (no more done me wrong country), and they certainly weren’t allowed to question authority (no more outlaw country). partying hardy became the most important American Thing and if you don’t sing about that, our Enemies Will Win.

so – understanding that country music has always had bad stuff, and that like any genre it suffers from commercialization, 9/11 DESTROYED COUNTRY MUSIC. and toby keith gleefully helped destroy it.

for some further evidence of the decline of country music, please listen to the dixie chicks’ “long time gone” which is an indictment of the industry (i believe it was written before 9/11 but my point still stands – the genre was on the decline and 9/11 was the major cultural event that hastened the decline).

maybe i am a curmudgeon – almost every generation of country music has had its own “country music is not what it used to be” anthem, but i really think something distinct happened with 9/11.

“THEY SOUND TIRED BUT THEY DON’T SOUND HAGGARD

THEY GOT MONEY BUT THEY DON’T GOT CASH

THEY GOT JUNIOR BUT THEY DON’T HAVE HANK”

I been trying to put this sentiment into words for 15 years!!!