dukeofbookingham:

ONE-STAR REVIEWS OF THE ODYSSEY

Haven’t done one of these in a while. Enjoy:

“Accoording to what i know about Odysseus i believe that he should not be in the Hero Hall of Fame Nomination Committee. He killed innocent people , cheated on his wife, and ate his friends. I believe that says it all about who Odysseus really is.”

“Spends years banging nymphs and goddesses. ‘Long-enduring Odysseus’–spare me.”

“My farts are more entertaining than this overrated piece of turd.”

“I wasn’t a fan of Odysseus or his men. All of them were adulterous pirates and none of them deserved to make it home in my opinion. I was literally rooting for Poesidon the entire time.”

“Elevated speech or whatever is stupid–it just wastes space. Instead of saying, ‘Oh, greetings to you, Nestor the Gerenian horseman. What brings you to my fine land. Who fair thee? Is your wife well or has she left you for another lesser man?’ can’t we just say, ‘S’up?’?

“I imagine that Homer’s stories were the shit in his times, but those times are long gone. Compared with today’s standards of literature, this is not the shit, it is just shit.”

“I had a first edition of this book hand written on goatskin that I wiped my @$$ with because I wanted to get some value from it.”

“The killing verbal scenes at the end of the book were a bit surprising. The gore was extreme with some odd and end graphically described tortures thrown in as well. Much more so than I would have expected considering the age this was written in. I mean this was way before Friday the 13th movies or Nightmares on Elm Street.”

“A long, tedious, monotonous tome about the journey of a man who has slept with half of Greece, but wants to go home and have his wife forgive him. If you want that plot line summed up, just listen to ‘Whatcha Say’ by Jason ‘I sing my name at the beginning of all of my songs’ Derulo.”

“HOMER YOU SON OF A BITCH I HATE YOUR WORK….I WILL NOT READ THE PRECIOUS ILIAD”

And finally the CliffNotes version:

“Yo yo yo dis book was boring doe”