THINGS THAT HAPPENED DURING THE B99 CAST BENEFIT SHOW IN LA TONIGHT

emorosadiaz:

• all the cast was present sans andre braugher
• bc of this they opened with a bit making fun of his absence, reading letters he’d *supposedly* sent to each of them, some of which he talked about supporting trump/the gop 🤔 and asked melissa for $500…(all jokes ofc)
• next the cast performed 2 scenes (in character) written by chelsea peretti
• the first one was promoting chelseaperetti.com and all the characters were super one dimensional. notable quotes include:
• “I LOVE JAKE…AND FOOD…SEASON 1″ (charles)
• “I LOVE TO DANCE…SEASON 1″ (gina)
• “i love chelseaperetti.com. there are only 3 other things i love in life: guns, dick, and pussy.” (rosa)
• jake and amy exit walking COMPLETELY IN SYNC, EACH STEP SYNCHRONIZED.
• the second one had the cast SWEARING EVERY 5 SECONDS since they can do bleeps and blurs now on nbc. notable quotes include:
• “HELL FUCKING YEAH” (rosa and amy in sync)
• “NINE-NINE, ASSHOLES!!!” (terry)
• then they got a REAL writer on stage: phil jackson
• he had them perform a scene that he said was ~CURRENTLY IN THE WORKS IN THE WRITER’S ROOM FOR THE S6 FINALE~
• spoiler: the scene took place in the deep south circa 1928. charles found out from the doctor that he was apparently dying…as did terry, rosa, amy, and gina. scully revealed he was already dead. jake just wanted to solve the big crime but then HITCHCOCK REVEALED: HE is actually the doctor and he POISONED the other characters, bc he’s actually JAKE’S FATHER!!!
• (none of this is canon obvi but i highkey wish it was lkdfnsblnkbfds)
• afterward, they opened it up to audience q&a which i only remember a few highlights from:
• someone asked what big crimes their characters would most want to solve. chelsea peretti said “disband ice”
• 5 seconds later, she asked, “WHEN WILL A WHITE GIRL COME UP AND TELL ME I’M HER HERO????” (since mel and steph always get latinx ppl saying they’re their heroes lndfsbljnblfdsn)
• andy: “i’m glad you said that AFTER the ice thing”
• someone asked what tv show the cast would want their characters to appear on an episode of
• steph said the bachlorette
• andy said queer eye
• melissa couldn’t think of one so she initially just piggybacked off of andy since amy would be with jake on queer eye. andy asked what one of her favorite tv shows was. melissa said game of thrones.
• SO EVERYONE NOW IMAGINE: AMY SANTIAGO ON GAME OF THRONES
• someone pointed out a similarity in one of amy’s lines in 202 and a line from a song in hamilton….andy freaked out, “WE WROTE HAMILTON!!!!!!!!!!!”
• someone asked andy if he actually loves boats. he revealed he actually gets nauseous on boats
• the cast revealed some running gags they have behind the scenes
• andy will walk around set with his script pretending to be a dumb actor
• when they get stuck doing 1000000 takes for the same scene over and over, they’ll start saying “CAW-CAW” and/or flapping their arms like bird wings to indicate that they wish to cut and move on (bc only the director calls “cut-cut”). andre even does it, sometimes just wordlessly flapping his arms
• whenever chelsea and terry have to act in the bg of a scene (basically go through some wordless motions) terry will kinda try to make it look real, pretending to hand chelsea something for gina to look at or whatever, but chelsea will just slyly flip him off and mouth “FUCK YOU” to him over and over
• THE CAST DOES A LOT OF IMPROV THAT DOESN’T MAKE THE FINAL CUT!
• in “stakeout”, andy and joe would come out of terry’s duffel bag and flap their arms like butterflies to be like butterflies emerging from a cocoon
• some “17″ odd times, andy and joe have done a “flu season high-five” where they go in for a high-five, then stop before their hands touch to prevent spreading germs. this has yet to make the final cut lndsbflkndfb
• in the jimmy jab games ep, andy and mel did a long improv bit on the roof of the precinct when andy had the fake pregnancy belly on and said it was amy’s baby
• terry laughed so hard watching “halloveen” when jake and amy woke up in the middle of the night and holt was in their bedroom; he rewound and rewatched the scene a few times bc it was so funny to him
• chelsea peretti had to go pee RLY BAD. she kept making jokes about it (”what other show would you want your character to be on?” “ONE WHERE SHE GOES PEE!!!!”) and andy was just like “YOU ORGANIZED THIS SHOW” and she just gave up and got up and was like “nO ONE TALK BAD ABOUT ME WHILE I’M GONE” and just. fuckin took a bathroom break in the middle of her own benefit show
• she came back from the bathroom with toilet paper hanging out of her pants btw
• mel talked for a bit about how rare it is for a cast to click as well and as quickly as the b99 squad; she knew she’d found something special when she started working on the show, but knew it was up in the air whether or not tv viewers would be able to feel that “special-ness” through watching the show. when the show was canceled and the internet lost its mind and threw a 24-hour long temper tantrum, she texted dan basically saying OMG PPL CAN FEEL THE SPECIALNESS IN OUR SHOW THAT I THOUGHT ONLY WE COULD FEEL BUT THE VIEWERS CAN FEEL IT TOO
• someone asked if dirk and joel are as close as scully and hitchcock. mel said they carpool to table reads together sometimes!!!
• andy started to look tired toward the end. chelsea said it was past his bedtime
• someone asked what future plots the cast would want for their characters. steph wants to play rosa’s evil twin who’s basically the polar opposite of rosa but is the evil twin.
• cue chelsea: “ROSA IS THE NICE ONE????”
• chelsea closed out the night with, “go reunite with your families!!!” and everyone groaned
• chelsea lost her mind at these 2 sisters in the audience named hansel and gretel