bonesbuckleup:

thunderboltsortofapenny:

greenreticule:

I was trying to to sort Star Trek characters into Hogwarts houses, but lost my train of thought when I started thinking about Bones learning Apparition.

“It’s not natural, Jim. Less natural than even transfiguration, which is a horror unto itself. Why in the blue blazes would someone want to scatter their body from one place to the next? Sure it’s fast, but is it really worth it when you leave an eyeball behind or maybe your large intestine? Or better yet, having a bird caught in your ribcage because you Apparated around it.”

“I… don’t think that’s possible, Bones.”

“Isn’t it? Because everything else darn well seems to be. Magic is a spreading disease, and it’s incurable.”

“Your claim is inaccurate. Magic seems to have no transferable properties other than from parent to child. Additionally, magical attributes are not associated with any disorder found within the body. Rather it appears to be merely a genetic variation as one would find in the color of ones’ eyes for insta-”

“Shut up, Spock. It’s a metaphor. And I’m not taking that damn class. I’ll walk places like humans beings should.”

@bonesbuckleup help

I suddenly have so many thoughts I am kicking myself for never considering, ho shit.

Jim Kirk, Slytherin, ambitious and cunning and way into history and tradition, born to magic parents but raised by his squib uncle, who has an unconventional flair for magic that is accompanied by a rebellious streak that makes him use muggle stuff whenever possible. Screw quills, he’ll use a pen if he damn well chooses. He almost doesn’t make it to Hogwarts until Defense Against the Dark Arts prof Chris Pike comes and fetches him.

And Spock, Ravenclaw, logic and passion forever warring together, descended from a long and ancient line of pure bloods, whose father not only married a muggle woman but brought her fully into the magical world. Yet she also raised Spock with an admiration for science, and Spock’s forever finding ways to meld (heh) both sides of the worlds he comes from.

Finally Bones, Hufflepuff, loyal and hard working and the walking definition that kind does not equal nice, born to a lineage with about as much magic as a bag of rocks. He doesn’t just distrust apparition, but he has a healthy suspicion of all magic as a whole. “My god, man,” he says to Jim, waving at the floating candlesticks in the great hall above them, “this entire place is a firey death trap just waiting to happen!”

Jim doesn’t miss a beat before reaching into his bag and handing Bones a contraband flashlight. Spock’s rigged it up so the electricity still works amongst the magic.